diwali of your dance
you should be scribed on finest paper
dressed silk, rice or web-thin onionskin
with smooth cut peacock feather quill in
panther ink so textured black
every thought, word, song of you should melt
in golden sunrise onto veined membrane perfect
sensuous to touch and fluid as quick mercury
evasive to caged images of craft
you should be danced in crystal chandeliers
in earthen lamps of sunflower and over
eggshell floors to every rhythm of my being
pictured beyond mere seeing
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Wikipedia tells us the following about Diwali
Diwali involves the lighting of small clay lamps (divas) filled with oil to signify the triumph of good over evil. During Diwali celebrants wear new clothes and share sweets and snacks with others. Some Indian business communities begin the financial year on the first day of Diwali wishing for good luck the following year.
Poem:
The Narrator in the poem addresses somebody, or something. It could be a beautiful, beloved woman, but the last stanza points in a different direction. “You should be danced to every rhythm of my being” and “a picture way beyond mere seeing”.
This creates the impression that what is described here, is something other than a woman, something like an idealised concept of beauty. It could be an “ode to creativity” or to the “art of poetry.
The poem’s flowing lyricism is very charming. The images are very apt and impactful, and at the same time retains a beautiful fragility.
“you should be scribed on finest paper
dressed silk, rice or web-thin onionskin”
Really delectable images that give the reader great pleasure.
Criticism:
The lines are well-crafted, lush, without being overly sentimental or striving too hard for effect. But the last line ” a picture way beyond” bothers a bit.
The Americanism “way beyond” seems out of line with the tone of the rest of the poem. It’s like an American tourist in a loud, tasteless shirt cavorting around at a formal cocktail party where everybody else is dressed in exquisite taste.
I hope the poet can find a better way to express the ineffability of the concept he is describing in the poem.
By: De Waal on August 13, 2010
at 15:33
Thanks for adding this exquisite photo. It fits perfectly! As mentioned, I have a sort of love-affair going with this verse, and though I agree with your remarks re the last line, I am reluctant to karring. On the other hand, now that you mentioned this very obvious flaw, of course, it is nagging away at my psyche so I will probably have to do something about it. This may take time, as a preconception can be very hard to shake.
By: Robin Hawkins on August 16, 2010
at 11:38
http://thursdaypoetsrallypoetry.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/the-celebrate-poet-of-july-award-nominations-announcement/
please vote for your favorite poets if possible,
u win one vote for yourself if you vote for others.
and u r nominated,
many thanks…
Happy Monday!
De Waal
By: Jingle on August 9, 2010
at 16:41
I would like to nominate De Waal. Without any doubt.
By: Robin Hawkins on August 16, 2010
at 11:43
Thank you, Robin. Very generous of you
By: De Waal on August 16, 2010
at 13:17
GENEROUS??? Not at all. You have a million times my skill and wisdom.
By: Robin Hawkins on August 16, 2010
at 13:21
what lovely image your words paint.
cute poem!
Cute???
By: Jingle on August 9, 2010
at 16:41
WHy thank you.
By: Robin Hawkins on August 6, 2010
at 09:01
such beautiful diction, vivid imageries, i love this
By: Imagina on August 6, 2010
at 08:01